Feminism, Taylor Swift and Christmas Lists

I'm am a true feminist. I believe that women should be celebrating femininity. I think we should be EXACTLY who God created us to be. We're creative, emotional, nurturing, multi-faceted, unpredictable, soft, strong and beautiful. We look at things differently than men and that is the way it's supposed to be. I'm not arguing that we can't do the same job as men. I'm saying we bring different skills and perspectives to the job. I don't agree with the ugly turn that modern feminism has taken, trying to be more masculine or worse, treating sex like it doesn't matter. It seems like, instead of protecting our virtue and our hearts, women view sex as a normal and necessary part of modern dating. These things weigh heavily on my heart, especially as a mother of daughters.
I have two daughters, an eleven going on sixteen year old and an almost three year old little princess. My oldest daughter is a die hard Taylor Swift fan. Since Edyn was about 5 years old, she has followed her career and every Christmas there's always some T. Swift music/gear/fragrance etc. on her list. One year, Daddy sent just her and me to Tulsa to see Taylor in concert. It was pretty epic for our then 8 year old mega fan.
Now, we as parents have done little to discourage this infatuation. Most of the song lyrics were cute and quirky. The sad love songs were still relatable for my daughter because she has felt heart ache in her life, not in romantic ways, obviously, but her pain was still real. We have been vigilant in screening movies and books and music to make sure that they never glorified themes or ideas that could be unhealthy. We have had a few oopses. There have been times when we realized in hindsight that something was less than ideal. We have grown more cautious over the years. That bit of back story is just a little set up for what I'm about to say next. 

Taylor, then and now. She's all grown up!

I just heard the latest single from the new Taylor Swift album. She has made a clear break from her country roots and is definitely integrating more adult (if you consider early twenties adult) themes. The new song is called "Blank Space." You can see the video here. The song itself is catchy and very poppy. I can imagine the chorus will be playing on repeat in many young fans' heads. And that is what gives me pause. I think the song is a bit tongue-in-cheek and is Taylor's answer to the critics of her love life. The running joke is that all her ex boyfriends end up in a song and this is an anthem for girls who may have been perceived as "crazy in love," but not in a good way. While I can't fault her for the idea and, she's adorable, as always, the video and lyrics are darker in tone than her usual fare. Here are some of the lyrics, for reference, to "Blank Space" (or read them all here):

So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game

'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space, baby
And I'll write your name

Boys only want love if it's torture
Don't say I didn't say, I didn't warn ya
Boys only want love if it's torture
Don't say I didn't say, I didn't warn ya

I viewed the video and immediately cringed at the image of my kids bebopping around our house singing, "boys only want love if it's torture, don't say I didn't warn ya" or "got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane." We are trying to teach them to only allow good things into their eyes, ears and mouth. We want them to meditate on things that are beneficial to them in the long run.
Does that mean I no longer like Taylor Swift? No. I absolutely get the "method to her madness" so to speak. I understand her venting and I can relate to what she's saying, but I still don't want my daughter meditating on it. So, then I had to have a rather uncomfortable conversation with my daughter. She knew there was a new album out and was already voicing her hopes to get it for Christmas. I told her that I was concerned about this song in particular, that the lyrics weren't something I felt would be good for her heart. I said I'd be happy to screen the other songs on the album and because of digital music, we could buy whichever songs we wanted. To her credit, she handled it better than I had expected. She was disappointed, though.
We don't restrict our children to Christian music all the time, especially since Mr. Jones and I both love a wide variety of music. It's difficult to find the balance between shielding their sponge-like minds and giving them space to make smart choices. I know at this point, the desire to own every album and memorize every song would most likely win. How could it not? So it's our job, as her parents, to help her take a step back and see the bigger picture. I'll leave you with one of my favorite songs that reminds us to take care, when guarding our eyes, ears, etc. is by Casting Crowns:

"Slow Fade"

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray 
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray 
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see.

You can watch the video here.

To-do Lists and Loving Reminders

I think sometimes there is this erroneous assumption that being a full time homemaker means having loads of free time. I suppose if all my children were in school and not homeschooled, I might have a few extra hours to devote to other things. As it stands, though, I find that I'm busy cooking, doing laundry, preparing lessons, teaching, monitoring the potty for my newly potty trained tot, finding ways to entertain my tot while teaching, trying to keep my 5 year old on task when he would rather play with my 2 year old tot, making dinner for my husband before he leaves for work, getting kits to soccer/girl scouts/church, coming home to make late dinner and trying desperately to get kids cleaned up and into bed... There are seasons that aren't so busy with the extra curricular, but sometimes it's truly a family circus. In the past, I've gotten frustrated, which motivated me to manage my time better. I carried real notebook calendars, downloaded apps, but still never really put them into practice effectively. I'd either forget my notebook, or I'd find the task applications not user friendly or customizable enough for my needs. I finally found one that works with my Google calendar and gmail. If I'm diligent with putting everything into either my calendar or task app, I manage to keep most things in mind. It's only when I fail to put it in that I forget.
What I'm more excited about is using this list to keep God's word ever before my eyes. It allows me to create reminders and set the time they pop up. I've been using this app for several months, but I've only recently started putting Bible verses on the list. A few weeks ago, I was having a rather taxing day, and I was really finding it difficult to stay positive. I decided to put a few verses in my schedule that might help me to walk in love. Since the first day, I've added several more. At first I was saying verses for myself and my attitude. Then, I added one for my children, and one for my husband. It pops up, and I read it out loud and check it off. I have just read it to myself a few times, but I started forcing myself to read it at least loud enough for me to hear. God's word never returns void and I think reading it, saying it and hearing it are helping to build up my spirit. It's a bonus that the kids can hear me at times. It's building up their spirits, as well. 

I wrote the verses in first person, like a
prayer or confession. 

So, my efforts to walk in love, or to show Jesus' love to my family, are just that. Efforts. It's a process, but I think things are improving, little by little. I'm probably going to add a few more verses. Who knows? I might end up praying all day. Isn't that what we should do anyway?

Shopping Insanity and Grace Pretzels

Today was shopping day. It started out like most shopping days. I made us some oatmeal, in an effort to stave off the cries of hunger that usually arise from the moment we enter our first store. This time, I needed to buy dress shoes for both my girls. Shoe shopping can drag on and I don't like to do it with groceries in the car, so we started at Walmart. I usually hit Walmart last, so that alone threw off our rhythm. We found the perfect shoes for both girls and rather quickly. Who knew that the girls would be better and quicker at shoe shopping than the boys? When my boys are looking for shoes, it adds an hour to our in-store time! 

We were able to wrap the Walmart trip up quickly, but I managed to forget a few items. I'm not sure why, but two things mess up my pro-shopper chi: not pushing the cart and shopping out of order. If I'm not steering the cart, I have trouble focusing, and if we start at the last store, the one closest to home, I inevitably forget things. I've tried shopping apps and even handwritten lists, but it still happens. My OCD tendencies competing with my mother-of-four-ADD.

Because Walmart is closest to home, I opted to drive back to the house and unload before driving into the next state where our other two stores are located. This, again, was not normal. By the time we drove away from home for the second time today, we were all hungry. I caved and went through a fast food drive through. I cringe at the thought but sometimes you do what it takes to survive! At this point, the kids were happy and fed, so I was optimistic about the next store. 

A palate cleanser: Pretty people looking and acting normal.

We went to Aldi next. We buy the bulk of our pantry items there and it's usually a breeze. Either everyone discovered our secret savings spot or we're usually out the door before the rush. It was sooo busy! Declyn loves to check eggs for cracks and hand them to Cayde so they can go in the cart. I asked them for 5 dozen. It was starting to get funny how long it took them. I had been loading our cart down with several gallons of milk and didn't realize that they were giving away every dozen they checked! There were so many people waiting that every time Cayde turned to bring eggs to the cart, he instead handed them off! I laughed and congratulated the boys for being good helpers, although Declyn was thoroughly offended that Cayde kept giving away his carefully inspected eggs. It wasn't so bad, just busy. However, somewhere between canned goods and frozen, the boys started getting antsy. By the time we were checked out and bagging, Declyn and Ella had decided to sing different songs, simultaneously and at a volume with which I was uncomfortable. I finally thrust the car keys at Edyn, instructing her in my best whisper yell, "Take them to the car!" Cayde stayed behind to help and we headed on to Sam's.

This was our last stop and we didn't need much. I had the finish line in my sites but the boys kept bothering each other. They play fight a lot and it's all hilarious until I give a stern look and then they point accusing fingers at each other, offended by my disdain. We were probably only in the store for a half hour, but it seemed like an eternity. At one point I threatened to take Declyn's afternoon snack if he kept up the shenanigans. I was scanning our items in the self checkout when I finally said, "It's very difficult for me to think when you guys are being so loud." (I've been trying not to yell.) Declyn said he was hungry again. He mumbled something about already losing his snack for the day. My first thought was, Tough break, Buddy. Then, as I was halfway to the door, I stopped. I asked the kids if they'd like a pretzel. They all lit up. While we waited for the pretzels to bake, I reminded them about grace. We discussed how grace was unearned and often undeserved favor. I said that we were having "grace pretzels" for snack. While they certainly didn't earn a reward for their behavior, these were an example of grace. Plus, I just really love those pretzels! 

Lately, I've been trying to model Christ's love for my kids. It's not every moment or even every day. I fail, a lot! My love is still human and imperfect. However, I'm trying to be more aware of how I handle their missteps. Of course, I always love them, but do I always love them the way God loves me? It's weighed heavily on my heart for several months. So, occasionally, while I don't want to make a habit of rewarding bad behavior, I try to turn a rough afternoon into a teachable moment. When we got into the car and started eating our pretzels, each of the kids thanked me for the "grace pretzels."

Sometimes a warm, soft grace pretzel is
soothing to the nerves and hearts.

Day 1

View from the master bedroom.

Yesterday, my husband drove out to our little homestead, roughly 10 acres in Southwest Missouri, to supervise the placement of a 560 square foot barn. It has 8 foot lofts and windows in each end, a lovely windowed front door right in the middle on one side and two windows opposite the front door. It is 14 feet wide and 40 feet long. On top, there is a beautiful, green, metal roof. The reason these little details are relevant, and very, very exciting, is because this barn is ready for horses, but we are going to turn it into a home for our family of six. We will extend the lofts to an even ten feet each, we will add two interior walls, one to create a bathroom/laundry room, the other to close in a master bedroom. Our youngest daughter, only 16 months, will be in the master with us until she gets older. Our two boys will bunk in one of the lofts and our oldest child, our ten year old daughter, will have the opposite bunk. CRAZY? Oh yes, but we have never shied away from crazy. We are going to be living it up in our very own "little house on the prairie" for about five years. There is a method to our madness, though. We are bailing out of the city life. My husband was raised around animals, out in the country, working hard and growing character. He chopped firewood with his father to sell, he hunted deer to feed the family, he learned the value of putting your hand to something and bearing fruit.
I, on the other hand, was raised in town. My husband teases me and calls me a city girl. If you have ever driven through Rogers, Arkansas, you would know I am not a true city dweller. I have dreamt of country life since I was little, though. My grandparents in Morrison, Oklahoma, showed me the life I wanted. We would go to visit in the summer and my grandma would teach me needle point and how to bake. My grandpa would let us ride around on his tractor and feed the cows and fish in his pond. I knew that was the way to live. I always loved the farm, but when I was in third grade, I met this awesome girl who lived in Missouri. When I stayed over at her house, we rode horses and swam in the creek and ran wild! That just served to further my desire for something different than "city life."
Fast forward several years and my husband and I are on the verge of making our dreams a reality. We bought part of his family land and we are are going to buy some chickens, a milk cow, a few head of cattle and plant a garden. The challenge for us, while planning how to make this happen, was how to get from where we are to were we want to be, God's way. We started out looking at building a house, talked to mortgage companies, looked at pages and pages of house plans, spent hours discussing if and how we could afford to build our house, within our budget, within a reasonable time frame. The biggest challenge was that building our dream house from the ground up, all by ourselves, while continuing to live and rent in town, was going to put us way over budget. Paying for a builder to build it would have lessened the amount of time for the build, but would have almost doubled our costs. We talked to financial advisers, both professional and family members, we looked at all these different options, and ended up frustrated and still confused. Finally, Rich and I put our dream back into the hands that had given it to us. We had prayed about it, but we hadn't truly released it into God's hands and given up control. It was only then that we both had a peace about it, and then, that suddenly this crazy plan started to form.
So, in a nutshell, we have a barn in which we are going to live, for the amount of time it takes to pay off the land. It will be very motivating to us to save and get started building our dream house, which by the way, will not be a one room cabin. We also feel very strongly that this will bring us closer as a family and help us to simplify our lives. Our kids are ecstatic about all the trees they can climb and the valleys they can explore. They are also very excited about having farm animals. I am excited about them learning true responsibility and gaining some common sense.
Oh, I forgot to mention the craziest part of our plan! When the barn was delivered yesterday, the clock started on how long we have to finish the inside and get moved in. We have 90 days until the first payment is due, and we don't want to pay rent while paying for the property, so we have 90 days to add electricity and light fixtures, plumbing and bath, cabinets, walls, wall and floor coverings, heating and cooling and a front porch.
So, there it is, the whole nutty story, and it all starts today, on day 1.

View from our front door.

I'm standing in what will be the bathroom,
 looking toward the other end of the cabin.

Ella, our youngest, checking out the new place.