Men, Don't Read Further

No, that was not a ploy to get you guys to read this post. It was a warning that I'm about to get real with all my ladies out there who may relate. So, do yourself a favor and go look at ESPN or something and leave us girls to talk, or else you'll ruin the illusion that your wives are just effortlessly beautiful and good at their roles as wives/mothers naturally and everything goes smoothly when you aren't looking.
Anyway, we are on day four of our new, trial schedule. It has gone pretty well so far, except for our evenings, which we are going to have to iron out a little more. So, on day three, I was feeling like a champ and by 9, the older kids had gone out for a brief bit of fresh air. Ella fell asleep for her usual mid-day nap and I thought, "Yes, maybe twenty minutes!" I told the kids to keep it down since she was asleep and I jumped in the shower. Oh to have a moment to shower without a)someone flushing the toilet, b)a three year old barging in c)a baby fussing at me to hurry... It was so exciting! Also, very daring, since I rarely get me time when the sun is up.  
So, I turn on the hottest shower I can stand. I get out my Dead Sea mineral mask and slather all over my face and neck. I lather up my hair and leave the shampoo on, just because it feels good to take my time. I lather up and shave one leg, without even cutting myself. I lather the other leg and then it happened...the first whimper. I froze, almost as if caught in the act of eating ice cream out of the container. Then, when there was silence, I went about trying to shave again, for at least 10 more seconds. Barely finished, this time with a few nicks and here came the siren: that sad whaling from the baby monitor that says, "I'm awake for real this time. I'm not going to go back to sleep, no matter how much you hope, so get in here before I start in with the real hysterics!" Ugh! I love ya, kid, but I'm still covered in mud mask and shampoo! Needless to say, my anticipated twenty minutes was a mere twelve.  It was a miracle that I got all the mud off and didn't end up scaring little girl when I picked her up, still shower fresh and hair in a towel. 
I hope this story does not offend anyone's sense of propriety, but I figured it might make someone laugh. I had to laugh at my own optimism.